We spend up to 80 per cent of our conscious hours using four basic communication skills:
- Writing
- Reading
- Speaking
- Listening
Listening accounts for more than 50 per cent of that time, so we're actually spending 40 per cent of our conscious time just listening. We tend to give little attention to the listening part of the communication process, which is amazing considering the facts stated here.
On average, people retain only 25 per cent of what they hear. There are many reasons why this is the case:
- We perceive listening as a passive activity and find the prolonged concentration required impossible to maintain
- The average person speaks at about 130 words per minute, whereas our thinking speed is about 500 words per minute. Consequently, we are continually jumping ahead of what is actually being said. We often, therefore, go on "mental walk-about", thinking of other things
- We don't clear our minds beforehand so the "noise in our system" shuts out or distorts what is being said
- The listener is tense with emotion so that his or her ability to listen is seriously impaired
- We are concerned with our reply so that the concentration is on this rather than what is being said to us
- The perception of the listener may so differ from the perception of the talker that a totally different interpretation of the information may occur
How can we improve our listening?
Quite simply by getting the sender of the message involved with the receiver to create a two-way communication. The technique of making the process of communication two-way is called Active Listening, which as the name suggests is an active not a passive process.
Active Listening Steps
The steps in active listening are:
- A sends a message
- B receives a message. This involves concentrating fully on what is being said
- B states what s(he) has understood but makes no evaluations
- A either agrees with B's interpretation or, if not, sends the message again
- This process is continually repeated until understanding by both parties has been achieved
Active Listening Techniques
Two techniques that can help us become more competent at active listening are Summarising and Reflecting.
Summarising
This is concerned with the factual side of the message and involves stating back to the speaker the listener's understanding of the information. This paraphrasing should take place at regular intervals and has the advantage of:
- Checking understanding
- Offering opportunities for clarification
- Showing the speaker that you have been listening to what has been said, thus demonstrating your interest
- Giving the speaker feedback on how well the message has been expressed
Useful phrases are:
- "As I understand it, what you are saying is ...."
- "So your point is that ...."
Reflecting
This is like holding a mirror in front of the speaker, reflecting back phrases as you hear them. This increases clarity and lets the speaker know that you are hearing accurately. You may be reflecting back data or feelings. In the case of the latter, recognition of the speaker's feelings builds empathy between you.
Non-verbal communication
Active listening is greatly enhanced by the judicious use of non-verbal communication, which includes:
- The receiver making eye contact with the speaker 60 - 80 per cent of the time
- Nodding and shaking the head when appropriate
- Mirroring the speaker's body language, although it is important not to "mimic" the speaker's posture
Research has shown that we take in 7% by words, 38% by tone of voice and 55% from body language. That means that HOW something is said, and HOW they hold themselves reveals more than WHAT they say.
How to Improve your Listening Skills
